Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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