Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
