I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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