He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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