i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
