Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
