At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
