New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
