you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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