life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
