You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
