It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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