Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
two words: eviction party
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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