Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
