some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
