you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
