I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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