plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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