Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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