someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
