Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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