Just fell off a train. Bad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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