Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize