My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
