he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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