You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize