She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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