It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize