highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
