I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
