toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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