We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize