do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
