You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
