I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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