guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
