She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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