if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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