A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
