just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
