Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize