She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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