There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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