Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
