No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
