3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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