dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
