How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
