I wanna bring you to show and tell
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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