When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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