The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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