I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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