I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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