Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
