I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
