it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
