I think scott just propositioned me for sex
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
