im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
