the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize