so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MIDGETS
????
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
