I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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