ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize