so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
