I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
