i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
