I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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