i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
