i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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