Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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