I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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