Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
