Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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